Sonnet Sunday 20: Amazon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shipping Delay

As I write this (on Friday), I am sitting in my arm chair waiting for a package to arrive.

This package contains baby gifts for a friend’s baby shower, which I am throwing tonight, three hours away.

I ordered it a week and a half ago. Today was the last estimated day for arrival.

As of 8:39 a.m., it was listed as “out for delivery.”

As of 1:44 p.m., it hasn’t arrived.

I really would have liked to leave in the next 15 minutes to avoid rush hour traffic in Ann Arbor, but that is looking increasingly unlikely.

I am also attempting this year’s November Poem a Day challenge. The day 3 prompt is “triangle.” In brainstorming, I came up with “Bermuda triangle,” which I am pretty sure is where my package is right now.

Today’s poem is, objectively, probably not very good. But it made me laugh while writing it, and it’s timely, and my buffer on Sonnet Sunday needs to be rebuilt and publishing this one gives me a little bit of one back.

So there you have it.

Note: I lied about the “out for delivery” time in the poem to sort of maintain any semblance of rhyme. I am probably the only person in the world who cares about that, but I wanted to keep the record straight.

Also note: today’s header image is not the package I am waiting for. Of course it’s not. It’s the box for an entirely different Amazon order that I placed AFTER placing the order for the shower gift, and which arrived three days ago. And contained an item for Christmas. Because of course I’d receive the lower priority item first.

Amazon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shipping Delay

Written November 3, 2017

I’m waiting for a package to arrive
So I can wrap the gifts contained therein
And give them—yet tonight—unto a friend
Who lives a measly five-plus hour drive
Away, and whose first baby shower is
Supposed to be tonight—three hours away.
This package should have been here yesterday
And left this morning at 8:46.
I’m pretty sure the package industry
Is located within Bermuda’s range:
Its Triangle demands my soul’s exchange
For my brown box’s safe delivery.
If I want packages to be on time,
I guess I should break down and purchase Prime.

Disclaimer: This sonnet is not intended in any way to be an endorsement of Amazon, Amazon Prime, or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates. I am in no way receiving financial renumeration from Amazon for this post. It is additionally not intended to cause any harm to Amazon, its subsidiaries, or its affiliates, nor to the USPS, FedEx, UPS, or any other shipping and delivery service in the United States or elsewhere in the world. Please don’t sue me for defamation. I’m too cheap to even subscribe to Amazon Prime. Suing me won’t be worth it.

Posted in poetry
2 comments on “Sonnet Sunday 20: Amazon and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shipping Delay
  1. T says:

    Stay strong! It’s not worth paying to shop anywhere!

    (srsly though, that ending couplet is great)

  2. As if you don't already know says:

    Or just borrow a friend’s prime when it’s really important. I’m sure I know someone who could help. 😛

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