It took me longer than you’d think to realize exactly how bad things are, but 2018 has been a year of slow-simmering stress, and it’s been bubbling over a LOT recently. The bad news is, due to important but difficult work changes, things won’t get much easier for the next few months. The good news is, once I started to realize how bad things had really become, I started taking steps to do something about it. I wrote today’s sonnet as part of the Poem a Day challenge, a month before I hit the boiling point, but it works as a summary of 2018, as well as my hopeful expectation for the future, even if it takes longer than I’d like to get here.
Originally written November 6, 2018
It’s been a year of loss. My paid-off car,
My debt freedom, my quiet, my spare room—
My sunny skies are clouded with a gloom—
I feel like I have traveled very far
Over the last twelve months. Now chaos reigns.
My life’s a wobbling raft within a storm:
This instability is my new norm.
I start to wonder: Is life really pain?
No: It’s a season. Every autumn, leaves
Fall to the ground. The trees look bare and dead,
Left naked when cruel winter rears its head,
Yet ever year I see them, and believe
That one day, trudging through the snow and mud,
I’ll look up at a branch and see the buds.