First off, a statement: I have never not been single for Valentine’s Day. Ever. Unless something magical happens in the next 24 hours and 19 minutes, this year is not going to be the exception. And usually I experience some level of depression (Yup, still single), anger (I wish singles would stop ranting about how much it sucks), and glum acceptance (At least there’s cheap candy tomorrow).

I can’t control the holiday’s existence – no matter how much people rant about how commercial it is, it’s not going away. However, I can control my attitude. So the last two years, I’ve been trying to shift myself mentally back into celebrating the holiday for what it’s supposed to be: a celebration of romantic love.

Therefore, I’ve come up with a few ways that singles can celebrate the holiday productively. Holidays shouldn’t be about pity-parties, after all.

1. Make a treat.

Like cookies! Who doesn’t like cookies? The cookies in the photo are my mother’s special mint cookies; they’re a pain to make, but worth it once a year. Tomorrow, I’m bringing them into work. It’s not much, but it makes the day a bit more special for everyone.

2. Throw a party.

No, not a pity party. Round up all the other singles you know and hang out. Eat lots of chocolate, play MASH, and find solidarity. I’m neither throwing nor attending such a party this year, but I know I’ve increasingly been amazed at how not alone in singleness I am. It’s one of the easiest traps to fall into – you attend *another* friend’s wedding and you think, that’ll be everybody else in the world but me. Honestly, though, if you’re ever the only single person you know, you probably need to make more friends. The more I’ve looked around and seen all the singles around me, the more at peace I’ve become with my own perpetual singleness.

3. Treat a married couple.

No, I’m not doing this one either, but only because I didn’t think of it until it’s too late. Here’s the thing: Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a celebration of love. But marriage is really freakin’ hard. So look around you and find an older couple that’s been married for a long time. Preferably, find one of those sweet little old person-type couples who have been married for 50 years or so. Really, the idea is that they are a couple whose marriage has withstood the test of time and is a positive example of what love actually means. Chances are, they weren’t planning on doing anything for Valentine’s day anyway. Buy them flowers and a gift certificate to a local restaurant, and be sure to say that you’re celebrating their love for each other.

Alternately, you could also treat a younger couple out to eat, or possibly babysit for them for free while they date. Will this give you an opening for bitterness? Perhaps. But remember, marriage is tough, and in a lot of ways your freedom as a single is better than their marriage.

Which brings me to my last point:

4. Remind yourself of how awesome it is to be single.

There are a couple of ways you can do this. You might want to read a book about it, for example. Or pick up and do something that you wouldn’t necessarily be able to do if you were seeing someone, like experimenting with a weird food or planning out a mostly spontaneous roadtrip for next weekend. Relationships tie you down, so use Valentine’s Day as a reminder not to waste your freedom.

Those are just a few ideas I had floating around in my head. Any other suggestions?

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…for the Covenant Eyes blog. For anyone wondering, this blog post subtly summarizes 2011 for me.

I’ve actually done quite a bit of writing over the last year, mostly for work. Since this website was at one point supposed to be a portfolio, I figure I’ll cross-post some of the pieces I’ve written for anyone who’s interested.

So! Since it went live on Monday, here are my thoughts on singleness via my workplace.

4 Reasons Accountability is Critical for Singles

“It is not good for man to be alone.”

If you’re at all familiar with this verse, you’re probably used to hearing it in the context of marriage. Perhaps you’ve heard it in a sermon or during a wedding ceremony.

And if you’re living in prolonged singleness, perhaps every time you hear it, you feel somewhat less-than-sufficient for not having somebody. Or maybe the opposite is true, and you have a sense of smug superiority, and you think to yourself, “Relationships are for other people. Me? I can do it all on my own.”

But this verse is about more than marriage. Nobody, not even those who choose singleness, is ever called to do life alone. Jesus always sent the disciples out in pairs, and Paul always traveled with companions. Or consider James 5:16, which says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.”

In reality, we singles need to stick together. Those of us who live alone are especially vulnerable to temptation simply because there’s nobody there to walk in on us. So whether our temptations are to watch pornography or to waste our lives on TV or video games or to wallow in bitterness over our lack of relationships, accountability is critical for us to continue growing in Christ.

Read the rest…

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Over the past few weeks I’ve really been contemplating singleness – my role as a single woman, and the inherent problems and blessings of marriage. Specifically, 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 keeps coming to mind – that married people are concerned with the things of this world. Lately I’ve come to realize how true that is. Not that I am by default an example of a person concerned only with the things of the Lord, of course; but there are a ton of odd things that married people have to consider that don’t even cross my mind.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to generate a list of some of the things I appreciate about being single right now. This is not to say I never want to get married. If I ever do, I sincerely hope I can look back at this list and say why I’m glad these things are no longer true. But to any of you out there who’s single and struggling with that fact (including my future self, most likely), if this list helps you cope at all, then my perpetual bachelorhood will not have been a waste.

1. I don’t have to worry about anybody’s allergies or general preferences. Cooking-wise, as someone who loves almost all kinds of food, I’m only limited by what’s already in my fridge. So if I feel like making tofu one week or buying 2 lbs. of Swiss chard for a Greek-style pie, nobody else will complain. Similarly, when I eventually get a dog (assuming I’m still single then) I can get the breed I want. I don’t have to worry if my husband is allergic…or doesn’t even like dogs.
2. I can work late. Most of my coworkers have to leave work by a certain time to make sure they’re home to help out with the kids (or to simply spend time with their spouses), but if I’m in the middle of something I can stay as late as I need.
3. I can stay up as late as I want with no concerns. Some friends and I regularly get together every other Friday for gaming; if we’re running past midnight one week, one of the guys will get a call from his wife (who chose not to participate), making sure he’s not dead in a ditch somewhere and is on his way home soon. While the concern is enviable, so is the position of being able to stay out as late as I want.
4. I’m not interrupted at home. I’d regularly interrupt Mom while she was in the middle of her daily devotions as a kid; as an adult maintaining my own devotional life, I’m very grateful that I don’t have to deal with that. My only interruptions are from e-mails and phone calls.
5. I don’t have to hide anything. This is one of those weird things I just don’t think about. Two coworkers today were talking about hiding their browser history for positive reasons – for example, buying gifts for their wives. One of them actually makes sure to time Amazon purchases just after paying the last credit card bill so his wife won’t see and question the expense until the end of the month (when, hopefully, he’s already given her the gift). That never even crossed my radar as something married people would have to consider.
6. I get to grow in faith in a unique way. Marriage implies having someone to specifically turn to when things go wrong. We singles can turn to our friends, yes, but in a lot of ways we’re reliant first on God to put the correct people for any given situation in our path (say, to take care of my car). It’s like the team building exercise of falling backward and trusting your partner to catch you; my only partner is invisible. A friend of mine who spent some time in Albania once told me that over there miracles of healing are a lot more common because they have less money and it’s literally a choice between prayer and a doctor they can’t afford. Singleness is a very little bit like that.

So what are some things you like about where you’re at right now?

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