Uncertainty

Uncertainty is both the theme of this poem and also of my explanation of it. What form is it? I don’t know! I didn’t write it down! It might be a Catena Rondo? Maybe? Ish? Or a variant on a villanelle? And why did I write it? I don’t know that either! I know I wrote it when I was publishing a poem a day on LiveJournal, so it could have literally been about anything as long as I wrote it. My two current hypotheses are that it was about my crush at the time, or that it was me fighting with Flash for a project in grad school. If that was even the semester I worked in Flash. I really don’t remember.

I do know this for sure: looking at this reminds me that I’ve been in uncertain and unstable situations before—some worse than right now. And God’s pulled me through each one.

Uncertainty

Originally written March 11, 2007

What does stability feel like?
And when will doubts stop plaguing me?
(What does stability feel like?)
And when will questions answered be?
No longer paralyzed by fear—
And when will doubts stop plaguing me?
And when will all that I hold dear
Be made secure, and I indeed,
No longer paralyzed by fear,
Rest, knowing I have all I need—
My outlook bright, my future strong
Is made secure, and I indeed
No longer fearing being wronged,
Or second-guessing everything,
My outlook bright, my future strong—
God, tell me what the future brings!
What does stability feel like?
Still second-guessing everything—
What does stability feel like?

Photo by Jakub Kriz on Unsplash